Oof. It’s been quite the few weeks to say the least 😅…
Actually, I had this whole draft of what I was gonna send last week to y’all about the Body of Christ - even titled it “Music to Cows 🐮” and got a bit into how I think I have cow tendencies lol.
(if you really want to know, feel free to reach out & i can try to share something haha)
But the Lord stopped me again. I think He just knew there’s still a lot left undigested within me so I didn’t have the full peace to release what I had enjoyed. It just felt a bit too ungenuine…
Then this week we began God’s Economy.
Oh boy.
I don’t know what it is about this class. But I have cried in all six sessions thus far.
Good tears. Real tears. Opening and healing tears.
I think our dear trainer just has a way of verbalizing things. Putting a caption to all the complex-abstract art within my being that I wouldn’t even know where to begin to describe…
There is something SO healing about being understood. Especially when you feel like you don’t even understand your self.
“God’s Economy” — a phrase that by now just rolls off my tongue… but do I really understand it? Do I really see it? Practice it? Experience it?
God’s economy does not take place in a vacuum.
It needs arrangements. Even for these arrangements become a crisis to us — it touches the very depths of our being.
“Eventually your mind, emotion, and will, become your greatest enemy to God’s economy — We really have to learn how to contact the Lord in our spirit.
There is much resistance is our self, in our soul, in our disposition that makes it hard for us to break through to the spirit…”
Oh but our Lord is so wise and so sovereign! He is a God of purpose.
The basic thought of God’s economy = He wants to mingle Himself with us.
Known or unbeknownst to us, there is just so must resistance and reservation in our being! The question is whether or not we would allow Him to spread.
Are we willing to be subject to Him and give Him all the ground?
For this purpose, I’m still learning how to truly open to Him…
I had an experience of this during the week that was quite eye opening to me… It was kinda fun cause I decided to make the Lord Jesus my own personal divine Therapist lol.
There were certain situations these last couple weeks that REALLY bothered me. Hurt me. Frustrated me. Completely wore me out.
For so long during this term, I thought everything was ok. Fabulous even! Yes, though I have advanced a lot, I also realized — there are still many things in my being that need divine healing…
So I spent much time alone on a swing in the back of Bower with the Lord… telling Him about each matter, one by one. And I kept asking Him — Why?
Why does this bother me? Why do I care? Why can’t I get over this specific matter or moment?
And I really sought an answer from Him. Not merely a clever thought from my own imagination or analyzing. But stopping my busy mind and really seeking after His voice...
The Lord was thus able to shine on this deep matter in my being:
I have a fear that regardless of how hard I try, I am still not good enough. That if I don’t keep up or rather excel — I will be forgotten. I fear my efforts will never be enough.
That really hurts.
Yet the result is that I have conditioned myself subconsciously to just always try harder. As if one day maybe finally it will amount to something…
But in that instant, there was just this cry from within — O Lord! Come in! I can’t make it, I really need You.
Ah what love then came from the Lord…
These fears and doubts are not of Him. He does NOT agree!
Actually, this phrase from class really touched me:
The Lord is not concerned with victory or even spirituality. His goal is FELLOWSHIP.
Stay with Me. Just converse with Me all the time. Be one with Me.
Every kind of problem is the result of the shortage of life.
This is God’s economy.
Actually, the ONE thing we really need is to just ENJOY the Lord as the Tree of Life!
Our trainer brought this up to us: I challenge each one of you — open up your concepts to the Lord.
Our concepts can be so powerful, causing us to absolutely miss the mark…
Many of us are always on the tree of right and wrong — What do you really need? What are you praying for?
He does not want us to do anything for Him! Nothing is more evil in His eyes than not coming to eat and enjoy Him…
He doesn’t care about my trying and my own self efforts or methods of improvement, even not my trying to overcome this sin or that part of my flesh…
God’s economy is just to gain access to our being and to mingle Himself with every part of our being.
I confess, I unconsciously thought that I came to the training so the Lord Jesus could “fix me” — No. I came to the training to learn to enjoy the Lord.
Gah. Sorry, I know this update is long already but one last really interesting point!
This specific phrase was brought up again and again during class:
“The life presented in the gospel of Mark is the reality, the substance, and the pattern of God’s New Testament economy.”
Why these specific words??
Well, the pattern is just Christ Himself and His living… and this pattern comes out of His substance which was the divine life within Him!
But what really touched me was the word REALITY.
The reality in this context means that it’s not a performance.
It is not an act. It is not behavior. It is real. It is God.
I once asked a fellow trainee: What is your biggest fear in the training?
Without hesitation, she answered:
“That I am just pretending”
Oof. That hit me.
How much of our living is just a performance?
God’s New Testament economy is a matter of the Triune God working Himself into us as life. That we may live Him. That we would become members of His Body for His expression.
We need to pray over this phrase again and again until it replaces EVERYTHING.
Learn this utterance: He is the entire, universal, all inclusive replacement.
Actually, we all have learned how to be good Christians without Christ… but this living in large is only a performance or a result of our self effort.
How much of our life is the product of the divine life lived out through us??
Mark 1:1 The beginning of the gospel of Jesus Christ, the Son of God,
The word “beginning” implies the termination of everything other than God Himself! This includes me. My trying. My performing!
The Gospel of Mark reveals Jesus Christ as the entire, universal, all-inclusive replacement.
Oh how grateful I am that it is ALL OVER! The old concepts, traditions, teachings… the old man. Nothing should remain! We have here been given a clean slate, a new beginning! THIS is the gospel.
The gospel is NOT just leading people to Christ, but it is the LIVING of Christ!
It is not just redemption from sin. But the beginning of a whole other way of living. Of being. It involves a Pattern, a substance, and it is reality. Not a performance. That is the gospel. — a group of people living Christ. This is what God’s economy is after.
So here I am still learning. Learning how to open to Him, letting Him come into every crevasse of my being as Oil and Wine. Learning to deal with all the gophers within and to just come back to the enjoyment of Christ. Learning to live in the reality of baptism. In newness of life and newness of spirit. Learning to stay in the central lane of God’s economy. In the way of life.
What a life.
Love,
Dasha.
Now for everyone’s favorite part lol: PICTURES! (Haha rest assured, most days I am all smiles & laughs, enjoying the sweet sweet days under His divine dispensing and with the most excellent on the earth ❤️)
And for a final treat ☺️: this is how we enjoy God.