I’m sorry I can’t help sounding like a broken record. It’s just too true: time flies.
Since my last update, I was in France for a gospel trip, made the speediest trip to Germany just to get the closure I needed and before I knew it, I turned 25, then pre-training and the first regular week of this term have passed. Gah. And OH BOY has there been some fun changes already! Some were pleasant surprises, others not so much… and a few things just make me think that the Lord really has the funniest type of humor…
I won’t get into the gospel trip here too much… just know that the Lord was so faithful and blessed the whole experience! The team was amazing, we were mainly in Strasbourg & Paris passing out free Bibles (une Bible gratuite ??), having coffee and pastries with students we would meet on campus, and spending much time getting to know the local believers there. They especially are now written on my heart…
Some Pictures :
(hehe someone also ended up asking ChatGPT to make a song out of all our funny quotes throughout the trip and its an ABSOLUTE BANGER. Not the main point at all, but in case anyone is curious hmu 😉)
A New Season
To be honest, the short week in Germany was… interesting to say the least…
Don’t get me wrong, it was WONDERFUL seeing the saints and even walking the old familiar paths I once loved… yet the time there was full of both super encouraging moments and also a couple rather disappointing and frustrating conversations. I have to admit, I left a little the city a bit sour but also… free.
I felt (maybe for the first time in a long time) released.
I could not wait to get back to Bower and start the next term! The Lord had so much mercy on me actually… I finally wanted nothing more than just to be there, under the waterfall of His dispensing.
Never more would we desire
Anything that’s less than You,
And to this we would aspire —
Simply, to be filled with You.
Just a couple days ago, I was fellowshipping with a sister and we both were opening up to one another about just how different the beginning of this term is compared to the last… it’s interesting how “calm” everything is outwardly yet somehow inwardly we felt an even more intensified training?
I was considering it before the Lord and realized… maybe this is the real training…
Not to be directed by turbulent environments or emotions but having the Lord be able to touch you deep within… touch the deeper things about your person and the finer things about your living.
Last term, my beginning was so hectic — an emotional rollercoaster really. Yes the Lord was undoubtedly there, but my experiences of Him largely consisted of emotional dumps of tears at His feet… yet this term, there were almost no tears. It’s been pretty calm actually. Yet the steady burning within.
I was freshly touched hearing this during pre-training:
Why do you need the training?
If you realize God has an extensive need, you will realize you want to respond.
But HOW?? — to be trained.
When you are training towards a certain goal, you invest a certain labor into it… like athletes training for the Olympics. If someone is lazy— it is easy to rely on their physical ability to win the prize… but it is those who are more diligent to be exercised, to be trained, to be restricted — actually, this is what it means to gain the Lord: counting all things as loss to gain the prize. Being desperate. Their whole life leading up to one singular point… every day counts. Every day matters.
If this is NOT our view: we fall into passivity in our Christian life.
Many times because we are not under the Lord’s CONTINUAL speaking, we don't recognize His stopping, His regulating and restricting us!
If we don't have restriction, the life we live will be aimless, with no direction. The more you are in Christ — the more you are under His restriction. The Spirit says no.
In Matthew chapters 3 & 4, the Lord Jesus said “Repent for the KINGDOM…”
The word “kingdom” denotes ruling. In the kingdom we have rule, government, exercise and discipline.
Actually, the church in this age is the kingdom of God.
As we grow in our Christian life, the Lord is bringing us to another stage where He wants to rule, govern, and discipline us— training us to eventually be His co-kings! Therefore, if we are never living in the reality of the kingdom life — you don’t realize how much we are HINDERING God’s goal. His goal has not changed. It is still the kingdom, we should not live in a kind of ignorance…
But don’t worry… I’m here to testify that the Lord’s ruling and reigning is so SWEET!
Another quote I was touched by in class:
The most precious thing about a Christian is that after he has consecrated himself to the Lord, he is able to sense what is pleasing to the Lord, what is not pleasing to Him, and is able to live according to that feeling.
How far a person will walk on the Lord’s way depends entirely on how much he lives before God. Once our heart turns to God, we will immediately have God’s feeling and know what is of God and what is not of God. This kind of experience is only given to those who are walking on God’s way.
Oh the kisses of the King!
Isn’t it INSANE that we could sense what is pleasing to God?? What makes Him happy? What makes Him fall in love with you?? Oh if we would just kiss Him more (Song of Songs 1:2)… i believe, we would do anything for more kisses. Anything to keep gazing upon Him…
Actually a person is expressed through their eyes…
Like when you’re really in love and you just want to constantly gaze at that person… and you know. Often without words, just by looking into their eyes — you know how they feel in that moment. Joyful, disappointed, sad, in love… the eyes can tell all.
Our Lord is no different. He just longs to look at us. And for us to look at Him.
Did you know in Revelation, the Lord has SEVEN eyes?? These eyes are for searching, burning, infusing, and transfusing all that He is into us!
When the Lord looks at us, He is trying to communicate to us what is on His heart so that we would be willing to cooperate with Him for His building Himself into us.
Our trainer asked us a striking question:
Have you seen your Husband today?
Has He seen you?
Let your Husband look at you. No matter what. He is here not to condemn or be disappointed, but rather to burn and supply us with everything of Himself that can match His need.
Oh morning by morning I have been treasuring just coming to see and be seen by my Husband!
They described in class that these moments are even more intimate than a blood transfusion… Something being imparted into you to help you live!
As we look at the Lord, He is imparting something even more intimate into us… His very PERSON is being mingled more with us!
My prayer has just been:
Lord, look at me today! Lord, may Your face not be hidden from me. Every single step I take today, I want to gain a loving look from You. Lord, kiss me with the kisses of Your mouth.
Here’s a fun twist!
I was asked by the office here to be a co-HC (house coordinator). I actually laughed when they first brought it up.
This means absolutely nothing of me being any better than anyone or anything of that sort, actually its just mainly more practical service and responsibility to bear…
But I mention it cause I really feel like the Lord has been using this to intensify His training within me 😅 I think subconsciously as soon as this label was placed on me, I felt like I had to meet a certain (non existent) standard. There was this unspoken pressure within me to make sure everything and everyone in my house was doing great and if not, somehow I had messed up.
lol. actually i did mess up. quite a few times already during the first couple weeks haha. (like today, I accidentally woke everyone up at 6:29 instead of 6:30 — which is NOT a big deal lol but also here in the training EVERY minute, especially of sleep, COUNTS)
Anyways I just had to confess a lot to the Lord. My person is so NOT fine enough for this job haha. But it is a privilege to have these conversations with Him…
Which leads me to: Look at the beautiful, wonderful sisters I’m living with this term!!
Also some extra pictures of moments that made me smile this week:
Anywhos, I think that’s about all I have to say for now… hopefully bis später! 🐊
Let me know how y’all are doing and how I can pray for you!
With much love,
Dasha